The Selfie of Dorian Gray

The moment the shutter on the camera clicks, Dorian feels different. He is momentarily short of breath; it is almost as if, by capturing his image, the iPhone also drew the very air from his lungs.

“Preposterous,” he mutters to himself, and looks down at the picture he has just taken.

This, he realises, must have been how the accursed Narcissus felt, upon first catching sight of his own reflection in the river. Never before have his own eyes seemed so blue, his hair so golden, his lips so full.

It is, without a doubt, the perfect selfie.

~

“Don’t you dare hang up on me,” Sabina howls down the phone, like the proverbial banshee. “We are not finished here, you owe me an explanation!”

“Darling,” Dorian replies, in what he feels is his most reasonable tone, “I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea about me. But I’m just not looking to settle down. When did I ever say otherwise?”

“How cold you are,” she spits. “How cruel. So you think it’s alright to sleep with other girls? With other men? Do my feelings matter at all?”

Dorian ends the call.

“Needy, needy girl,” he whispers to himself, shaking his head. To take his mind off the whole debacle, he decides to check how many more likes his selfie has racked up. Twelve since he last looked. Satisfied, Dorian is about to return his phone to his pocket when he notices something. Something off.

He raises the phone to his face and squints. Impossible!

The picture has changed. His eyes are still blue, but paler; they have lost some of that trademark twinkle. His lips are still red, but they don’t look quite as full.

“How can this be?” He utters, but there is nobody in the room to respond, and of course the photo can’t very well speak for itself. Sabina called him cruel; this is a likeness of a cruel man. But that image was taken weeks ago, before he even met Sabina. Before he slept with her, and then her best friend, and then her brother.

But still, it’s undeniable – the picture has changed for the worst. Dorian shrugs, and puts his phone away. What does it matter? A glance in the mirror reassures him that in the flesh, he has never looked better.

~

Time is kind to Dorian, and unkind to those around him. With each year that passes, the selfie ages. With each heart he breaks, with every tramp he hits in his Mercedes, the eyes on the screen grow ever narrower and more flint-like, the smile gradually curling into a sneer. After a decade, it pains him to look at the photo at all – it has changed too drastically, reflects too much, while his own face remains precisely as it was.

There are two Dorians now, and over the years makes his peace with it, telling nobody his secret when they enquire after which face cream or cosmetic surgeon holds the key to perpetual youth. Not that anyone would believe him if he were to tell them the truth; that his withered soul is trapped in a magic photograph, belied by his own youthful, perfidious exterior.

He has long since removed the image from social media, obviously. He often wonders what would happen if he were to delete the selfie entirely. Would his every sin from those misspent years be returned upon him? Would his skin crack like parchment? Would he, god forbid, lose his hair?

Whatever spell the selfie has cast, it is a gift. To question or waste it would be a crime. And so Dorian vows to live as authentically as he can, pleasure and gratification his only commandments.

Instagrammed, immortal, and irredeemable.

~

Books We've Loved This Year

We're fast approaching autumn, and many of us will have read at least one book this year that we absolutely loved and can't stop recommending to people.  For me, there have been two, about which I have already waxed lyrical: The Gargoyle  by Andrew Davidson and Skin Lane  by Neil Bartlett.  Here, three bloggers give you their favourite book of the year so far.


"Blue Boy" by Rakesh Satyal
Recommended by Brian Centrone from New York 
(Site: BrianCentrone.com Twitter: @BrianCentrone)
Anyone who knows me knows that I have a love for all things Indian: The Food, the culture, the men (especially the men), and the literature. So it was not a surprise that when I came across Rakesh Satyal’s Lambda Award winning novel Blue Boy, I fell in love at first read...
Set in Cincinnati, Ohio in the 1990s, Blue Boy tells the story of young Kiran, an Indian American trying to fit in. His world is split between the Indian families his parents socialize with and the very Middle-American kids and teachers at the public school he attends. Poor Kiran doesn’t feel he belongs to either world and the situations he finds himself in in both groups are just as awkward and endearing as they are funny and heartbreaking.  Kiran believes his difference is Divine and sets out on a journey to transform into who he feels he really is, the reincarnation of Krishna himself.
A magical voyage of self-discovery, spiritual understanding and pop culture references, Blue Boy is the book for every boy who had a secret love of dolls, ballet and singing, and for every person who grew up wondering where they belonged. This novel will not disappoint. 

"Free Fall" by Nicolai Lilin

Recommended by Marc Nash from London 
(Site: Marc Nash's Kindle Store Twitter: @21stCScribe)

War memoirs are dominated by those of WW2 and of course Vietnam. This memoir of a more recent and modern war blows those portraits out of the water. The second Russian war in Chechenya was dirty, pitiless and ultimately pointless on both sides. Lilin was a conscripted sniper in a specialist anti-terrorist unit that fought on the front line in ordinary clothes rather than uniform. He paints brutal pictures of the effects of modern weaponry on human flesh, but not in a Hollywood relish of gore fashion, but rather one that makes you realise why soldiers try and avoid engaging in combat with the enemy from any closer than an airborne helicopter gunship. This updating of the deadliness of modern weapons again removes us a million miles from the Vietnam/WW2 battlefield axis.

The cruel treatment and dispatch of captured prisoners on both sides, in order to send a message to the enemy, is graphic and yet almost neutrally detailed. And finally, I have never come across better descriptions of physical states of being during battle. The physiological symptoms of a body overtaken by fear, exhaustion, sensory deprivation, concussion from a grenade, are astounding pieces of writing. There are some ruminations on the purpose(less) of the war, as the book begins with a Kafkaesque account of his conscription and ends with a short but debilitating section on his failure to adapt back into civilian life and an undiagnosed PTSD. Lilin's writing is so good as to bear the weight of its gravity, its philosophising and to convey the mix of muscle and technology throughout: "God was a haven for our souls, the only place not regulated by military code". Simply stunning. 

"Blueeyedboy" by Joanne Harris

Recommended by Jemima Valentino from Shropshire 
(Site: JemimaValentino.com Twitter: @jemimavalentino)

"Blueeyedboy" is the brilliant new novel from Joanne Harris: a dark and intricately plotted tale of a poisonously dysfunctional family, a blind child prodigy, and a serial murderer who is not who he seems. Told through posts on a webjournal called badguysrock, this is a thriller that makes creative use of all the multiple personalities, disguise and mind games that are offered by playing out a life on the internet.

The word ‘creepy’, is somehow not enough. Harris has truly opened up her dark side and within these brilliantly crafted pages, unfolds a story of a lonely 42 year old sociopath who lives with his mother and his online friends. Through his web journal, his disturbed mind is truly let loose, his style - intelligent bordering on genius, his motives - dark and intensely dangerous; pulling the weak and vulnerable into his tribe, badguysrock.

Our Blueyedboy dreams of killing mother, stalks a blind child prodigy and harbours an unhealthy fascination for Albertine, a girl that holds more influence over this life than he dares to admit. As he entices Albertine out to play on badguysrock, we realise that there is far more to their relationship that meets the eye.

Just as you think you know this would-be serial killer and can predict his actions as easily as Columbo, Harris throws in a twist, and then another, and another until the entire story fits together like the perfect jigsaw and leaves you breathless.  I have read some intense books this year, and have loved many, but Blueeyedboy jumps to the top of the pile. Now this book is inside my head, I don't think it will ever leave.

5 Novels To Celebrate Indian Independence Day

To celebrate Indian Independence Day, I asked people on Twitter to suggest novels that are either set in India or written by Indian authors which they would recommend as an enjoyable read.  I've included a few of their suggestions in the list below, along with my own recommendations (plus a few snaps from my India trip last year, just because).

Hanuman's Tomb

Tokyo Cancelled by Rana Dasgupta
Dasgupta's modern, globalised take on the Decameron only takes place partly in India, but The Billionaire's Sleep is this anthology's strongest story by far.  A modern fairy tale that encompasses cloning, incest and a metal tower reminiscent of Rapunzel's, Sleep is, at its core, a love story, albeit one embroiled in questions of status and caste.

Agra Fort

Kim by Rudyard Kipling (suggested by @TheJoDeer)
I could easily include a whole sub-list of works that follow the "Imperial India" model.  I retain fond memories of Old Mali and the Boy by D.R. Sherman and the short stories of Saki, partly because of their inherent quality but mainly, I suspect, because of the grammar school English teacher they remind me of.  Kipling's Kim is probably the best in this particular corner of literature - a rollicking adventure and an example of the awe and mystery that the sub-continent still held to many at the time.

Akbar's Tomb, Sikandra

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (suggested by @eleanorgj)
You may know it as the one about the kid on the boat with a tiger.  Which, I suppose, is a fair enough, if simplistic, synopsis.  The real pleasure in this book, however, comes from the insight into the life that came before the boating accident.  My favourite part is where a young Pi is discovered by his elders to have been practising numerous religions, in an attempt to find out for himself what "it" is all about.

Amber Fort, Jaipur

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie (suggested by @thomasraymond)
I will admit, I've not actually read much of Salman Rushdie's oeuvre, beyond the opening chapters of Shalimar The Clown (which were enough to put me off him altogether).  But I've been assured by a friend who is currently reading Children that it is kind of a big deal, and definitely worth the time and effort, so I'm placing it back on my to-read list.

Taj Mahal, Agra

River of Gods by Ian McDonald
Appropriately enough, McDonald's epic River of Gods follows the lives of several characters as India approaches Independence Day.  This, however, is an Independence Day a hundred or so years from now, where Hindu mysticism, the caste system, artificial intelligence and blood sport overlap in wildly imaginative ways.

Jaipur

Top 5 LGBT Characters in Literature

1. Kay, The Night Watch by Sarah Waters
In the years after the Second World War, Kay walks the streets of London in man's clothing, left hollow by her experiences during the Blitz.  With all the men away, Kay had found it easy to fill their shoes, becoming a hero to those such as Viv who needed her help as an ambulance driver, and playing husband to the young, unsure Helen.  Kay's sheer disregard for the period's limited view of gender is joyously refreshing, but Waters tempers this exuberance with pain.  Kay witnesses some horrific things in the war, and the woman she loves betrays her.  At the beginning of the novel, which coincides with the chronological end of the story, she sees herself as little more than a ghost.

2. Cal, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
Born Calliope to second generation immigrants, Cal enters adolescence as an intelligent girl, curious about her growing feelings for a female friend.  As we flash forward to adulthood, Cal is now narrating the story as a fully grown man.  The transformation undergone by the character is revealed at a leisurely pace, as Cal first tells us of the struggles and secrets that led his/her family to America, which in turn allowed Cal to come into existence.  A fantastic story, told by an unforgettable character.

3. Mr F, Skin Lane by Neil Bartlett
What is most frustrating (and at the same time, moving) about the protagonist of this novel is that he does not come to consciously realise his own desires until midway through the narrative, and it is only in the closing pages that he comes close to fulfilling them.  While every stage of his infatuation with the young man named Beauty is written in painstaking detail, it is Mr F's isolation that makes him relatable to the reader.  At no point does he identify with other gay men, it is his simple assumption that he is alone.  The 1960s setting of the novel cements a concept that would be laughable in a book set in the present.

4. Lestat, The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice
The "brat prince" Lestat is perhaps one of the most sexually fluid characters I have ever encountered in fiction.  From his early Svengali-like relationship with Louis, to his eventual fascination with Rowan Mayfair, it is not gender that attracts or influences Lestat, but beauty itself.  His arrogance, vanity and irrepressibly playful nature make him all the more compelling.

5. Villanelle, The Passion by Jeanette Winterson
Much like The Night Watch's Kay, Villanelle cross-dresses in a time period where such a thing is unheard of.  Unlike any other character on this list, however, Villanelle has webbed feet and can walk on water.  She is a child of Venice, the city of mazes, and she is as much a contradiction as her birthplace.  The portion of the novel dedicated to Villanelle's story, The Queen Of Spades, sees our heroine fall in love with an aristocratic seductress, only to have her heart stolen - quite literally.  So ensues a quest to get it back.

The Sarah Waters Effect: Literary LGBT Books That Would Make Excellent Television

Since Tipping The Velvet caused jaws to drop nation-wide and Sarah Waters became a household name (at least, in the households that contained a closeted gay or lesbian teenager), her novels have been delicious fodder for adaptation: while it would normally be enough that she is a master storyteller, the lesbian relationships portrayed in novels such as Fingersmith and The Night Watch (showing tonight on BBC2) add an altogether more salacious edge for television.  Earlier this year, Matt Smith starred in the Christopher Isherwood life story Christopher And His Kind, suggesting a new trend in literary, queer drama.  Below are five suggestions for the BBC's next saucy, brainy romp.


Skin Lane by Neil Bartlett
On the strength of this novel, I feel bold enough to say that Bartlett is the male Sarah Waters: Skin Lane's 1960s setting is an urban labyrinth where old-school repression jostles against post-war decadence on the same commuter train.  Mr F, the protagonist, is a tortured loner who develops an obsession with his young apprentice.  The backdrop of the fur industry would make this adaptation visually stunning.


A Spot Of Bother by Mark Haddon
This book isn't quite LGBT; it's a family tale that revolves around the chaos caused by a wedding.  One subplot is about son Jamie, who is dumped rather suddenly and cruelly by his boyfriend and spends the rest of the novel coming up with ways to feel better (one attempt includes an inadvertently hilarious hook-up).  This adaptation could be as raunchy or as family-friendly as the BBC like, as the source material is warm and funny enough to entertain without having to titillate.


The Spell by Alan Hollinghurst
Hollinghurst's prize-winning The Line Of Beauty was a fantastic reimagining of Brideshead Revisited in the Eighties, and the BBC miniseries perfectly captured not only the beginnings of the AIDs crisis, but also the reign of the Iron Lady and the fall of the untouchable upper classes.  The Spell is only a slightly less ambitious read, following the doomed romantic adventures of Alex, an uptight professional who visits his ex-lover Justin and his new partner Robin for a weekend, only to fall in love with Robin's twentysomething son Danny.  The clash of country living with the drug-fuelled nightlife that Danny revels in would make this a colourful show, if nothing else.


Girl Meets Boy by Ali Smith
Part of the Canongate Myths series, Girl Meets Boy is a modern retelling of the legend of gender-swapping Iphis.  Smith's prose is on a par with that of Sarah Waters, Ian McEwan and any other modern writer you care to name.  Gender swaps have made for some dodgy TV entertainment in the past, but the story here is strong enough to carry the concept.


The Passion by Jeanette Winterson
Venice.  Napoleon.  A girl with webbed feet.  The lush imagery and period setting of this magical realist novel would provide a beautiful and fantastical backdrop for an adaptation, which follows the life of Villanelle, a curious creature with a thirst for life and a craving for the love of a bad woman.  A miniseries version would perfectly compliment the numerous Dickensian films the BBC churns out each year, while adding more flamboyant touches such as a man with a glass eye and a seductress who keeps the hearts of her conquests in a jar.

What do you think?  Who should be the next LGBT author to sky-rocket now that the BBc have more or less exhausted Sarah Waters's back catalogue?  Suggestions in the Comments section please.

~

5 Novels That Don't Live Up To The Hype

It's like paying for an expensive meal when you haven't really enjoyed it.  Or waking up with a hangover when you didn't even get that drunk.  Below are five novels that I looked forward to reading, only to finish with a somewhat empty, disappointed feeling.  Each entry is followed by a suggestion for a more fulfilling alternative.

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

Say what you like about Niffenegger's debut The Time Traveler's Wife, but there's one thing you can't deny: it got our attention.  About a gazillion book sales and a blockbuster adaptation later, Niffenegger went from sci-fi-tinged romance to ghostly, Gothic fare.  Unfortunately, she just didn't seem to take to this genre as well as some other authors.  While she started off with all the right ingredients (mirror twins, a haunted apartment overlooking Highgate Cemetery, a horde of family secrets), it was as if she couldn't quite get the recipe right.  We are meant to sympathise with submissive Valentina over domineering twin Julia, but I wasn't able to get past her sickly, indeterminable characterisation.  Similarly, the plot twists that come into effect in the latter half of the novel weren't as shocking as they were meant to be - we've seen it all before. 

If you're looking for a rich, well-written tale with a similar plot and themes, I suggest you try Sleep, Pale Sister by Joanne Harris.

The Death Of Bunny Munro by Nick Cave

I never read Cave's first novel, And The Ass Saw The Angel, so I had no preconceptions about his writing style when it came to The Death Of Bunny Munro (apart from what I had gleaned from his music).  The book is sexually explicit throughout, which in itself is no problem, but Cave seems to have used graphic scenes of masturbation over any element of plot.  And while I'm used to reading novels with unsympathetic protagonists, I found myself actively hating Bunny.  When the novel reached its climax, living up to its title in the process, I felt like throwing the book down and cheering.  Perhaps it was Cave's intention to make the reader wish for Bunny's death, thus creating a more satisfactory ending (and placing the reader in collusion with the demonic serial killer) - if so, I applaud him.

Another novel about someone confronting the end of their days is Veronika Decides To Die by Paulo Coehlo.

On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan

Let me get this out of the way first: I am a huge McEwan fan.  My problem with On Chesil Beach is not the quality of the writing, or the characterisation.  It is simply that, after thriller Enduring Love and damn near flawless Atonement, On Chesil Beach feels a little flimsy and, well, plotless.  Newlyweds travel to their honeymoon.  Bride is a virgin terrified of her wedding night, groom can hardly wait.  Their courtship is beautifully revealed in McEwan's brilliant prose, but the impressive build-up only serves to emphasise that this novel goes nowhere.

If you're looking for another good, short read by McEwan, try The Comfort Of Strangers.

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

Maybe I'm a philistine. Maybe I don't know what "art" is. Maybe I don't understand Holden Caulfield because I've never been a privileged teenager who had to "rebel" against his elite school.  There are some things that I do like about this book.  The opening passage, for instance.  And the little sister.  It's not, in itself, a necessarily bad book.  I'm just not sure how or why it has become such a much-lauded classic.

For angsty, misunderstood America, read The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

The first time I read Wuthering Heights, it was during my final year at university.  And like many book-lovers, I often find myself purposely disliking a book for the simple fact that I'm being forced to read it, and would rather read something else.  So I thought I'd give Miss Bronte another chance, and re-read Wuthering Heights after graduating. Sadly, Cathy was still just as whiny and Heathcliff was even more of a bastard than I remembered.  To me, this novel is not a doomed romance, or a tragic love story.  It's an account of an incredibly destructive, co-dependent and abusive relationship.

For fans of love and pain, pick up a copy of Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.

A few other books which I felt let down by include: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (very interesting concept ruined by juvenile, plodding prose) and The Book of Dave by Will Self (in which a talented writer attempts, and fails, to create a believable dystopia).

Book Review: Skin Lane by Neil Bartlett

I first saw a copy of Skin Lane by Neil Bartlett in the Hugh Owen library at Aberystwyth, in a small fiction stand by the entrance, propped up between The Kite Runnerand Small Island.  That was almost three years ago, but it was only last month that I finally bought a copy.  The cover, with its photograph of fur and steel, and blurb which gave almost nothing away, had me thinking it would be an urban thriller in the vein of Fight Club.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  Narrated in an omniscient voice familiar to anyone who has ever been read a fairy tale or bedtime story, Skin Lane is the story of Mr F - a middle aged man who works in the fur industry and lives a solitary existence.  The year is 1967, the setting is London, and Mr F's structured, quiet life is about to be thrown into chaos.  One night, he has a dream.  An unsettling, compelling dream which returns night after night


Mr F's nocturnal insecurities begin to bleed into his usually disciplined working life.  When his employer brings in his nephew and instructs Mr F to take him on as an apprentice in the cutting room, he finds somebody on which he can place all of his fear and blame for the dream.  The nephew is young, handsome, cocky and charming - everything Mr F is not.  As the narrative takes an unexpected turn, each man is cast in their respective role of Beauty and the Beast.  The apprenticeship unfolds almost like a love affair, as each piece of raw, wild skin is transformed into a thing of luxury, to be placed upon the shoulders of a wife or mistress in return for one favour or another.


For the first two hundred pages, I had no idea where this story was going, or where it possibly could go.  So little actually seems to happen, and yet at the book's end, everything has changed.  Skin Lane is not a fairy tale, nor is it a love story.  It is simply Mr F's story: one of loneliness and desire, although it is unlikely that such an insular, compulsive character would even recognise these words as pertaining to him. 

You might not think that a novel set against the fur trade of the 1960s would be the most engaging of stories, but I was rapt throughout.  Bartlett's writing had me cringing with discomfort on one page, then would bring a sting to my eyes in the next.  Its closing chapters are by far the strongest, as all of the latent passion of the last three hundred pages is finally addressed, resolving everything and nothing.

 

Another Look At 5 Fictional Bad Guys

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Following my first Top 5 Villains post, here are another five fictional antagonists - from misguided youths who think they are in the right, to hardened crooks who are rotten to the core.

5. Count Dracula
(Dracula by Bram Stoker)
First encountered by Jonathan Harker in his Carpathian castle, the Count is introduced to us as an elderly European aristocrat.  One doomed voyage of the Demeter later, he re-emerges in Victorian England as a seductive killer.  Written against the backdrop of the fin-de-siecle, a period known for body horror, numerous diseases and a fear of invasion from the East, the figure of Dracula becomes an embodiment of these concerns: an alien, rapacious force which seeks to corrupt and transform from within.

4. Edward Hyde
(Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson)
The aggressive, bestial alter ego of Dr Henry Jekyll, Hyde thinks nothing of trampling children and generally wreaking havoc on an unsuspecting city.  This tale is a moral one, of course - much like Frankenstein's monster, Edward Hyde's persona was unlocked through Jekyll's well-meaning research into human nature.  What makes Mr Hyde so genuinely threatening is the novel's assertion that a version of him resides in each and every one of us.

3. Tom Ripley
(The Ripley novels by Patricia Highsmith)
As the protagonist and puppeteer of numerous twisted escapades, Tom Ripley is at heart a chameleon.  Ingenious when it comes to attaining his goals and literally getting away with murder, he is both terrifying in his ruthlessness and inspiring in his intelligence.

2. Alec D'Urberville
(Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy)
From the very first moment we meet Alec, we are yelling at Tess to get the hell away from him.  His arrogantly handsome face and obscenely red lips foreshadow a seduction - or, in this case, a rape.  Not only does Alec destroy poor Tess's virtue, but he also has the gall to reappear later in her life, a "changed man".  Already a pariah, Tess has no choice but to become Alec's companion.  It is the cruel fate doled out in Hardy's universe that the raped woman is executed for finally taking control of her own life - although I am sure every reader feels a grim satisfaction when Alec finally meets his end.

1. It's A Tie!
Amir & Briony
(The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini & Atonement by Ian McEwan)
These impressive and moving literary novels would have you believe that Amir and Briony are the protagonists of their respective stories, when in fact they are the catalyst for almost every bad thing that happens.  Amir is too much of a coward to come to the aid of his friend during their childhood, the after-effects of which are devestating.  Similarly, Briony's colourful imagination taints her perception when she sees the growing attraction between her sister Cecilia and Robbie, leading her to tell a destructive lie.  In their defense, Amir and Briony spend the rest of their lives trying to make up for their actions, but one can't help but get the feeling that all would have ended well if they'd just done the right thing to start with.  In an alternate fictional universe, I can see these two hitting it off.

Top 5: Stephen King and the "Final Girl"

In the same way that Joss Whedon's feminist beliefs compel him to imperil beautiful girls in order for them to fight their way to freedom, so Stephen King brings us tale after tale of ordinary women (and plenty of men) who find themselves in the most nightmarish of scenarios and must risk everything to survive.  This Top 5 post is dedicated to that classic horror trope, the "final girl" - the female who, through cunning or skill or sheer virtue, stands triumphant at the end of the tale.

Spoilers may lie ahead for readers not familiar with all of Stephen King's work - so, you know. Beware.

5. Lisey
LISEY'S STORY
There's a tiny clue in the title of this novel as to which character might last to the final page.  As everything in the book is from Lisey's perspective, one might suspect that there is no feeling of danger - but King still manages to make the reader fear for Lisey as she discovers the unreal world that her late husband spent much of his troubled life in.  More than any other King novel, Lisey's Story is about empowerment.  Having long been the supportive wife, Lisey is forced to walk into hell alone, and come out the other side.

4. Sue Snell
CARRIE
It would be easy enough to remember the ending of Carrie, which we all read a long time ago, as one where everybody ended up dead.  Not quite: Sue Snell, the popular girl who tried to do something nice for outcast Carrie White, survives to witness the destruction her own actions caused.  If she hadn't encouraged her boyfriend to take Carrie to the prom, then the unfortunate pig's blood incident would never have happened, and all those cruel teenagers who tormented her would still be alive.  Actually, come to think of it, it sounds like an unconventionally happy ending to me.

3. Wendy
THE SHINING
Motherly love never came stronger than it did in Wendy Torrance.  A large, uneasy portion of The Shining is spent watching her walk on eggshells around her recovering alcoholic husband, all the while being eaten up inside with fear and anger at what might happen to their son Danny if Jack falls off the wagon.  Stanley Kubrick's film adaptation did nothing to convey the lioness-defending-her-cub strength of character that Wendy embodies in the book - shattered bones and a head injury do not stop her dragging herself, inch by painful inch, to Danny's aid.

2. Rosie
ROSE MADDER
This story is one of numerous trials.  Rose Daniels suffers for years at the hands of a violent, abusive husband.  When she finally works up the courage to leave him, an even more terrifying journey begins, as she finds herself drawn into a dream-like painted world, where her fearsome doppelänger holds the key to vengeance.  Rose's survival is a triumph, but is shadowed by an epilogue which reveals (SPOILERS) she has inherited her former husband's bloody rages.


1. Jessie
GERALD'S GAME
Personally, I think the word "harrowing" is overused, especially when describing books.  But in this case I find it incredibly apt - I was as attached to Jessie's ordeal as she was to the bed.  When a simple sex game goes awry and Jessie is left naked and alone, it is not death that poses a threat.  It is the voices.  The madness.  And the misshapen face that keeps emerging from the shadows.  Gerald's Game is not a supernatural novel, making the unlikely peril Jessie faces feel all the more real.

5 More Awesome Fictional Characters

Following on from my Top 5 Fictional Characters, here is a second lot of made-up people who are incredibly entertaining.  I'd be happy to sit down and have a drink with each and every one of them.





5. Holly Golightly
(Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote)
Whether you're watching Audrey Hepburn charm her way through life on-screen or reading Truman Capote's source novel, there's no denying that Miss Holiday Golightly is no average gal.  Born Lula Mae Barnes in a backwood town in Texas, Holly is constantly reinventing herself, shaping her own destiny and cheerily hopping from romance to disaster to adventure.  One could also interpret the character as a manic, selfish strumpet, but let's not be mean-spirited.

4. Marquis de Carabas
(Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman)
I know, I know.  I seem incapable of composing any sort of book list without including one of Neil Gaiman's creations.  But seriously, read Neverwhere and try not to fall in love with the Marquis de Carabas, the protagonist's enigmatic guide to a fantastical London underworld.  Paterson Joseph's portrayal of him in the BBC miniseries is pitch-perfect in its wicked playfulness.  You might not trust the Marquis, but it is impossible not to like him.

3. Belle de Jour
(The Secret Adventures of a London Call Girl)
Technically, this one isn't fictional.  But while the anonymous nature of her numerous explicit memoirs lend her an almost mythic quality, Belle is at her most beguiling when she drops her seductive facade and addresses the reader honestly.  The ins and outs of her personal life are bared for all to see on the page, and though some (or most) readers may enjoy her adventures as mere titillation, there is a level of humour and intelligence in Belle's storytelling that make her genuinely likeable.

2. Tyrion Lannister
(A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin)
I have a confession to make.  I have never been within a hundred miles of George R.R. Martin's A Song Of Ice & Fire novels.  But Peter Dinklage's performance as "The Imp" in HBO's Game of Thrones has been so full of arrogance, sly wit and genuine emotion that I feel as if I know him well.  Everyone in my house agrees that he is by far their favourite character in this sprawling epic of scheming villains, noble heroes and bare-chested everyone else.

1. Jackson Brodie
(Case Histories, One Good Turn, When Will There Be Good News?, Started Early, Took My Dog by Kate Atkinson)
The world-weary private investigator has now featured in four novels, each of which finds him dragged into a fateful web of interlocking yet seemingly unrelated mysteries.  His quest in life, it seems, is finding people who are lost, a self-imposed mission which stems from the murder of his sister years before.  Her killer was never found, a fact that haunts Jackson more potently than any ghost.  He also seems to be a magnet for a series of disasters that become comical and Job-like in their frequency - a blown up house here, a train crash there.  Atkinson's novels are full to the brim with wry humour, but at his core Jackson is a deeply troubled soul.  Despite this, the reader cannot help but hope that in the next instalment, or the one after that, he will find peace.

Who is your favourite fictional character? I'm thinking about mining the wealths of JK Rowling's world in a future post and coming up with my Top 5 Harry Potter characters.  Or maybe a themed post: Top 5 spies, witches, adventurers, lovers.  Thoughts?

5 Modern Novels That Deserve To Be Classics

For a heathen like me, reading a good book or coming across an immensely talented author is probably the closest thing I have to a religious experience.  It happens quite rarely, but when it does, it's the most peculiar feeling.  I want to tell, no, order everyone I know to immediately go out and buy the book I've just read, but another part of me wants to hold this treasure back, keep it all to myself.  I think it stems from my teenage crush on the Scissor Sisters, which faded as soon as they became immensely popular.  Nobody likes their own private joy to become mainstream.

On the other hand, there are some novels that I read and instantly find myself hoping that other people feel as thrilled by it as I do, that it will be the topic of discussion in book clubs and living rooms all over the world.  Because some books are just that good.  Here are five modern novels which I feel deserve widespread, long-lasting admiration.  I hope there's something on this list for everyone!

5. The Green Mile by Stephen King

Until this spiritual, heartbreaking serialised novel hit the shelves, the world had seen Stephen King as a horror author and not much else.  "Horror author", in this context, not particularly being a compliment.  Then he penned the tale of John Coffey, a gentle giant on death row with an extraordinary gift.  The film adaptation serves as a lesson in how to adapt a novel, as the story has incredible power in either medium.

4. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Eugenides's first novel, The Virgin Suicides, was a poignant and pensive fable of innocence lost.  His second book, Middlesex, massively ups the ante in ambition and scope, spanning several generations of an immigrant family, tracing a rogue gene through time and culminating in the birth of Calliope - protagonist, narrator, hermaphrodite.  This is no literary gimmick, however; Eugenides follows Cal's story believably and lovingly from being raised as a girl, through a shocking and transformative adolescence, all the way to adulthood, by which time Cal is living as a man.  Written with humour and intelligence, Middlesex makes me wish Jeffrey Eugenides would write more books.

3. The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

I've raved about this book before, so forgive me if this all sounds a little familiar, but months down the line the story has stayed with me.  A handsome but arrogant porn star and drug addict is involved in a car accident that leaves him drastically disfigured.  While recovering in the hospital, he is visited by a woman named Marianne, who is clearly deranged but also entirely bewitching.  She tells him that they've met before, even though he has no memory of this encounter.  What follows is an eight hundred year love story, a trip around the world and a journey to the very heart of Dante's Inferno.

2. A Density Of Souls by Christopher Rice

I've included Rice's second and third novels The Snow Garden and Light Before Day in previous lists, but his debut A Density of Souls is probably my favourite.  It is in turn a coming of age story, a revenge tragedy, a romance and a horror novel.  Four friends enter high school and are immediately pulled apart - by bullying, by their own selfish desires, by love disguised as hate and vice versa.  What happens to them as teenagers sends ripples throughout the rest of their lives.

1. Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
I first read this book when I was meant to be revising for a French exam.  Subsequently, each time I revisit it I get the same rush, as if I am doing something slightly naughty.  It is a feeling that goes well with this read.  The premise is a very, very loose parody of The Omen, but the duo of writers have taken a step back and seen the bigger picture.  The opening chapter introduces us to Aziraphale, an angel, and Crowley, a demon, who are seen conversing as Adam and Eve are booted out of the Garden of Eden.  Their friendly banter is a running motif in the novel, as is a book of prophecies by Agnes Nutter (the world's only reliable psychic) and the adventures of young Adam, a perfectly ordinary boy who just so happens to be the Antichrist.  Good Omens works as an intelligent, good-natured satire, but also as a not-too-serious meditation on human nature.

Some other books I wanted to include in this list are The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon - but I reckon they're going to go down as classics anyway.

5 Great Books Summarised In One Sentence

Don't worry, this is a spoiler-free zone!

5. Atonement by Ian McEwan
An epic, heartbreaking novel about how your life will fall apart if you use the "C" word.

4. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
Gripping story that will terrify the parents of university students everywhere.

3. A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby
Four people decide to kill themselves, then don't.

2. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time by Mark Haddon
The most unconventional and rewarding murder mystery you will ever read.

1. Carrie by Stephen King
Beware teenage girls who have not had the birds and the bees conversation with their mothers.

Top 5... Villains in Fiction

Heroes are alright I suppose.  They get the job done, they fight the good fight.  But isn't it so often the case that the villain of the piece is the more interesting character?  Here are my top 5 fictional villains, ranking from bad seed at Five to evil incarnate at One.

5. Meursault
The Outsider by Albert Camus
Existentialists may wish to have me hanged for categorising Meursault as a villain, perhaps preferring to refer to him as an anti-hero or a damaged everyman.  But my reading of the character is as follows: a feckless bureaucrat loses his mummy but still has a job and a pretty new girlfriend to live for, then throws it all away by committing a senseless murder on the beach.

4. Bill
Kill Bill, Vol.2 by Quentin Tarantino
We don't properly meet the elusive target of The Bride's rage until the concluding instalment of this kung fu saga.  And when we finally do, we already know what he is capable of, after seeing him shoot his pregnant former lover in the head, leaving her in a coma and stealing her child.  Pretty darn twisted.  Even worse is his defense: Uma Thurman's character broke his heart, so he ordered the execution of her entire wedding party.  As overreactions go, it's what one might call a "biggie".

3. Mrs Coulter
Northern Lights, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman
She is beautiful.  She is clever.  She has a vicious, golden monkey on her shoulder.  And SPOILERS, she is our heroine Lyra's mother.  Which makes her experiments on children and other wicked deeds all the more despicable.

2. Iago
Othello by William Shakespeare
He never tells the audience why he does what he does.  His actions cause the death of practically every character in the play, and yet at its finish, when it becomes clear that he is going to be tortured (potentially to death), he simply swears to never speak again.  "I am not what I am", he declares early on in the play, a reference to his deceitful nature and an inversion of God's words in the Bible: "I am what I am."  Are we to take this to mean that Iago is, in fact, the Devil?

1. Jadis
The Magician's Nephew and The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
The Chronicles of Narnia are hardly the scariest or most challenging works of children's fiction.  But the otherworldly empress Jadis, rescued by Diggory and Polly from a dying world in The Magician's Assistant, provides genuine menace in an otherwise quite jolly tale.  Once the characters are transported to the shiny new land of Narnia, Jadis becomes temptation incarnate: she offers the enchanted fruit to Diggory when they are both within the walled garden (Allegory! Allegory!) before vanishing into the wilderness, reappearing years later as the White Witch, title character and main villain of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.  By this time, she has conquered Narnia and enslaved its many magical races.  She also seems to have no qualms when it comes to corrupting children and committing vile acts of cruelty to animals (poor, poor Aslan).  And anybody who has the power to make it always winter, and yet never Christmas, is pure evil in my mind.

Some other exceptionally nasty pieces of work: The Marquise de Meurtuil (Les Liaisons Dangereuses), The Man Jack (The Graveyard Book), and almost all of the boys in Lord of the Flies.