Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Back in the good old days when I had a full-time job and salary (i.e. a month ago), I would indulge in a little harmless daydreaming and procrastination. Now that I am self-employed, motivation and go-getter-ness are vital.  But I still find myself trawling Twitter, Facebook and my own imagination for distractions from work.  The latest subject to divert my attention is thus: who would I invite to my perfect dinner party?  I gave no consideration to realism in this endeavour, other than how many people I can physically fit around my table.

Paloma Faith

It goes without saying that this singer/actress would arrive wearing something outlandish and eye-catching. I read in an interview somewhere that she is a huge fan of Milan Kundera, so I imagine she could explain to me what his books are actually about, and maybe even treat us to a rendition of "Upside Down" before the night is over.

Matt Smith (As the Eleventh Doctor)

I know he's fictional. But is Paloma Faith showing up for dinner any more realistic, really? The Doctor would make an ideal dinner guest; he could regale us with tales of exploding suns, hostile aliens and other wacky adventures. Also, he has a time machine, so there is no excuse for turning up late.

Truman Capote

Alrighty then, if I can invite a fictional character to dinner, then who's to say I can't bring back the dead? Capote would have a withering one-liner prepared for any topic of conversation, and undoubtedly would have a thing or two to say about his fellow guests... Behind their backs, of course.

Shappi Khorsandi

Who doesn't love to be told a joke or two over dinner? Shappi Khorsandi has a winning smile and is downright hilarious, which would nicely fill those uncomfortable gaps between courses.

Robert Sheehan

His boyish charisma and cheeky Irish brogue (not to mention his foul mouth) evoked a young Cillian Murphy and won over legions of fans in sci-fi hit Misfits.  I reckon he'd have us in stitches over dessert, reciting some reliably filthy limericks.

So there we have it; my five imaginary dinner guests.  Who would you choose?  Let me know in the comments.

5 Novels To Celebrate Indian Independence Day

To celebrate Indian Independence Day, I asked people on Twitter to suggest novels that are either set in India or written by Indian authors which they would recommend as an enjoyable read.  I've included a few of their suggestions in the list below, along with my own recommendations (plus a few snaps from my India trip last year, just because).

Hanuman's Tomb

Tokyo Cancelled by Rana Dasgupta
Dasgupta's modern, globalised take on the Decameron only takes place partly in India, but The Billionaire's Sleep is this anthology's strongest story by far.  A modern fairy tale that encompasses cloning, incest and a metal tower reminiscent of Rapunzel's, Sleep is, at its core, a love story, albeit one embroiled in questions of status and caste.

Agra Fort

Kim by Rudyard Kipling (suggested by @TheJoDeer)
I could easily include a whole sub-list of works that follow the "Imperial India" model.  I retain fond memories of Old Mali and the Boy by D.R. Sherman and the short stories of Saki, partly because of their inherent quality but mainly, I suspect, because of the grammar school English teacher they remind me of.  Kipling's Kim is probably the best in this particular corner of literature - a rollicking adventure and an example of the awe and mystery that the sub-continent still held to many at the time.

Akbar's Tomb, Sikandra

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (suggested by @eleanorgj)
You may know it as the one about the kid on the boat with a tiger.  Which, I suppose, is a fair enough, if simplistic, synopsis.  The real pleasure in this book, however, comes from the insight into the life that came before the boating accident.  My favourite part is where a young Pi is discovered by his elders to have been practising numerous religions, in an attempt to find out for himself what "it" is all about.

Amber Fort, Jaipur

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie (suggested by @thomasraymond)
I will admit, I've not actually read much of Salman Rushdie's oeuvre, beyond the opening chapters of Shalimar The Clown (which were enough to put me off him altogether).  But I've been assured by a friend who is currently reading Children that it is kind of a big deal, and definitely worth the time and effort, so I'm placing it back on my to-read list.

Taj Mahal, Agra

River of Gods by Ian McDonald
Appropriately enough, McDonald's epic River of Gods follows the lives of several characters as India approaches Independence Day.  This, however, is an Independence Day a hundred or so years from now, where Hindu mysticism, the caste system, artificial intelligence and blood sport overlap in wildly imaginative ways.

Jaipur

Top 5 LGBT Characters in Literature

1. Kay, The Night Watch by Sarah Waters
In the years after the Second World War, Kay walks the streets of London in man's clothing, left hollow by her experiences during the Blitz.  With all the men away, Kay had found it easy to fill their shoes, becoming a hero to those such as Viv who needed her help as an ambulance driver, and playing husband to the young, unsure Helen.  Kay's sheer disregard for the period's limited view of gender is joyously refreshing, but Waters tempers this exuberance with pain.  Kay witnesses some horrific things in the war, and the woman she loves betrays her.  At the beginning of the novel, which coincides with the chronological end of the story, she sees herself as little more than a ghost.

2. Cal, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
Born Calliope to second generation immigrants, Cal enters adolescence as an intelligent girl, curious about her growing feelings for a female friend.  As we flash forward to adulthood, Cal is now narrating the story as a fully grown man.  The transformation undergone by the character is revealed at a leisurely pace, as Cal first tells us of the struggles and secrets that led his/her family to America, which in turn allowed Cal to come into existence.  A fantastic story, told by an unforgettable character.

3. Mr F, Skin Lane by Neil Bartlett
What is most frustrating (and at the same time, moving) about the protagonist of this novel is that he does not come to consciously realise his own desires until midway through the narrative, and it is only in the closing pages that he comes close to fulfilling them.  While every stage of his infatuation with the young man named Beauty is written in painstaking detail, it is Mr F's isolation that makes him relatable to the reader.  At no point does he identify with other gay men, it is his simple assumption that he is alone.  The 1960s setting of the novel cements a concept that would be laughable in a book set in the present.

4. Lestat, The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice
The "brat prince" Lestat is perhaps one of the most sexually fluid characters I have ever encountered in fiction.  From his early Svengali-like relationship with Louis, to his eventual fascination with Rowan Mayfair, it is not gender that attracts or influences Lestat, but beauty itself.  His arrogance, vanity and irrepressibly playful nature make him all the more compelling.

5. Villanelle, The Passion by Jeanette Winterson
Much like The Night Watch's Kay, Villanelle cross-dresses in a time period where such a thing is unheard of.  Unlike any other character on this list, however, Villanelle has webbed feet and can walk on water.  She is a child of Venice, the city of mazes, and she is as much a contradiction as her birthplace.  The portion of the novel dedicated to Villanelle's story, The Queen Of Spades, sees our heroine fall in love with an aristocratic seductress, only to have her heart stolen - quite literally.  So ensues a quest to get it back.

The Bright Side To Moving (5 Forgotten Masterpieces)

I moved house last week.  Anybody who has been through that particular brand of hell will be all too aware of the stress and short tempers that the situation provokes.  But there is an upside to deconstructing your life, packing it into boxes and transporting it elsewhere.  You discover things you had previously forgotten.  Things that had once meant a great deal to you, and subsequently vanished from your mind.  I found a number of items which I had not thought about for years: academic reports from my first year at grammar school, photographs from a childhood holiday with my dad that I barely remembered, aftershave I've never worn, a Nirvana t-shirt that was once the height of cool, a small mountain of condoms from a very optimistic youth...

And books.  Heaps and heaps of paperbacks that I had long thought condemned to charity shops throughout Shropshire.  Below are five of my old favourites that have been put on the "To Be Re-Read" list.

Lost Souls by Poppy Z. Brite
I've blogged about Brite a fair few times before, so it's not exactly accurate to say that I'd forgotten about her work.  The packing process last week was greatly slowed, however, when I came across her debut novel; I was unable to resist the urge to flick through the pages, read a passage or two.  I can only hope that when I come to revisit Missing Mile in North Carolina, Brite's tale of vampires, rock stars and bromance (an awful term unknown at the time of publication, thank goodness) reads as well today as it did when I was fifteen.

A Density Of Souls by Christopher Rice
With this slice of American Gothic, Christopher Rice stepped out of his famous mother's shadow and earned a place in my heart in his own right.  A Density Of Souls is a coming-of-age story complete with burgeoning teen sexuality, dark family secrets, natural disasters and even acts of terrorism.  I first read it shortly after my father died, when I was feeling particularly alone.  The central character Stephen resonated with me for that reason and many others.  I've read Souls a handful of times since then, and will probably continue to do so.  It perfectly encapsulates the raw, flawed wisdom that comes with being not-quite an adult.

The Daydreamer by Ian McEwan
A youthful and optimistic alternative to McEwan's more adult fare, The Daydreamer is a series of stories about a boy who possesses either an incredible power, or an equally impressive imagination.  He switches bodies first with a cat, then with a baby, gaining incredible insights into their worlds.  Later, he visits his future self and learns about love.  In the hands of any other writer, The Daydreamer could have been awful.  Luckily, with McEwan, we know we're in safe hands.

Tales Of The City by Armistead Maupin
I had a few problems with Tales Of The City when I first read it in 2005.  Mainly, I felt that there wasn't a whole lot of plot and some of the characters were thinly drawn stereotypes.  However, I also felt that Maupin made up for these flaws with his iconic creation, Anna Madrigal.  Matriarchal, mischievous, secretive and seductive, everybody should have a landlady like her.

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Need I say more?

5 Novels That Don't Live Up To The Hype

It's like paying for an expensive meal when you haven't really enjoyed it.  Or waking up with a hangover when you didn't even get that drunk.  Below are five novels that I looked forward to reading, only to finish with a somewhat empty, disappointed feeling.  Each entry is followed by a suggestion for a more fulfilling alternative.

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

Say what you like about Niffenegger's debut The Time Traveler's Wife, but there's one thing you can't deny: it got our attention.  About a gazillion book sales and a blockbuster adaptation later, Niffenegger went from sci-fi-tinged romance to ghostly, Gothic fare.  Unfortunately, she just didn't seem to take to this genre as well as some other authors.  While she started off with all the right ingredients (mirror twins, a haunted apartment overlooking Highgate Cemetery, a horde of family secrets), it was as if she couldn't quite get the recipe right.  We are meant to sympathise with submissive Valentina over domineering twin Julia, but I wasn't able to get past her sickly, indeterminable characterisation.  Similarly, the plot twists that come into effect in the latter half of the novel weren't as shocking as they were meant to be - we've seen it all before. 

If you're looking for a rich, well-written tale with a similar plot and themes, I suggest you try Sleep, Pale Sister by Joanne Harris.

The Death Of Bunny Munro by Nick Cave

I never read Cave's first novel, And The Ass Saw The Angel, so I had no preconceptions about his writing style when it came to The Death Of Bunny Munro (apart from what I had gleaned from his music).  The book is sexually explicit throughout, which in itself is no problem, but Cave seems to have used graphic scenes of masturbation over any element of plot.  And while I'm used to reading novels with unsympathetic protagonists, I found myself actively hating Bunny.  When the novel reached its climax, living up to its title in the process, I felt like throwing the book down and cheering.  Perhaps it was Cave's intention to make the reader wish for Bunny's death, thus creating a more satisfactory ending (and placing the reader in collusion with the demonic serial killer) - if so, I applaud him.

Another novel about someone confronting the end of their days is Veronika Decides To Die by Paulo Coehlo.

On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan

Let me get this out of the way first: I am a huge McEwan fan.  My problem with On Chesil Beach is not the quality of the writing, or the characterisation.  It is simply that, after thriller Enduring Love and damn near flawless Atonement, On Chesil Beach feels a little flimsy and, well, plotless.  Newlyweds travel to their honeymoon.  Bride is a virgin terrified of her wedding night, groom can hardly wait.  Their courtship is beautifully revealed in McEwan's brilliant prose, but the impressive build-up only serves to emphasise that this novel goes nowhere.

If you're looking for another good, short read by McEwan, try The Comfort Of Strangers.

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

Maybe I'm a philistine. Maybe I don't know what "art" is. Maybe I don't understand Holden Caulfield because I've never been a privileged teenager who had to "rebel" against his elite school.  There are some things that I do like about this book.  The opening passage, for instance.  And the little sister.  It's not, in itself, a necessarily bad book.  I'm just not sure how or why it has become such a much-lauded classic.

For angsty, misunderstood America, read The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

The first time I read Wuthering Heights, it was during my final year at university.  And like many book-lovers, I often find myself purposely disliking a book for the simple fact that I'm being forced to read it, and would rather read something else.  So I thought I'd give Miss Bronte another chance, and re-read Wuthering Heights after graduating. Sadly, Cathy was still just as whiny and Heathcliff was even more of a bastard than I remembered.  To me, this novel is not a doomed romance, or a tragic love story.  It's an account of an incredibly destructive, co-dependent and abusive relationship.

For fans of love and pain, pick up a copy of Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.

A few other books which I felt let down by include: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (very interesting concept ruined by juvenile, plodding prose) and The Book of Dave by Will Self (in which a talented writer attempts, and fails, to create a believable dystopia).

True Blood: 5 "OMG" Moments

In anticipation of the upcoming fourth season of True Blood, I've been rewatching season three.  And it struck me that while True Blood has been an incredibly over-the-top show from the very beginning regarding sex and violence, the writers really did up the ante when it came to "did they just do that?" moments in their third year.  Below are my top picks, including a few from the first and second seasons.  Beware: spoilers may lie ahead for viewers who are not entirely up to date.

5. Amy Shows Her Dark Side (Season 1)

Lizzie Kaplan could never be a villain, could she?  The character of Amy was a sweet hippie, with a fondness for V (that's vampire blood, for those not in the know).  This addiction led Amy and Jason to the door of Lafayette's vampire supplier, where she proceeded to attack him with silver and persuaded Jason to help her kidnap him.  Then she staked him.  Ironic then, that she was murdered by Rene for "loving vampires"...

4. Party Over At Maryann's! (Season 2)

Maryann Forrester, played with equal parts serenity and wildness by Michelle Forbes, was introduced late in the first season as a saviour figure to troubled Tara.  The second season saw a much different side to her, as her mere presence seemed to exert a bacchanalian influence over the residents of Bon Temps.  Watching her first house party descend into a primal, animalistic orgy made for bizarre viewing indeed.

3. Eric Seduces Talbot... Then Kills Him (Season 3)

I had to pick my jaw up off the floor several times during these scenes.  Fans knew by this point that Eric was playing a game, trying to get close to Russell Edgington and his lover Talbot in order to exact revenge on Russell for killing his family.  His method of vengeance was creative, twisted, and hot as hell.  The extended foreplay was one of the most erotic shown (which is saying something for True Blood), and the violent death at the end was incredibly brutal to watch.  It also offered up about a dozen different "impaling" puns.

2. Russell Makes The Evening News (Season 3) 

Driven mad by Talbot's death, Russell wreaks havoc.  In this fictional universe, of course, vampires are publicly acknowledged American citizens, although their rights are often disputed.  Russell throws the Vampire Rights Movement into chaos when he RIPS OUT THE SPINE of a news anchor live on air.  His perfect following line, "and now the weather, Tiffany", rounded off a sublime scene.

1. Bill and Lorena Have At It (Season 3)

When it comes to sex, True Blood likes to push the envelope.  And by push the envelope, I mean embrace the crazy.  By the time Bill comes face to face in season three with his Maker, the bunny boiler Lorena, we've already seen him reject her numerous times.  He loves Sookie, doesn't he?  Clearly, then, the whole being kidnapped thing has frustrated him massively, as he proceeds to have aggressive hate-sex with Lorena.  As if this wasn't weird enough, he then twists her neck 180 degrees, so he doesn't have to look at her.  What can I say; sex with the ex is never a good idea.

~

Another Look At 5 Fictional Bad Guys

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Following my first Top 5 Villains post, here are another five fictional antagonists - from misguided youths who think they are in the right, to hardened crooks who are rotten to the core.

5. Count Dracula
(Dracula by Bram Stoker)
First encountered by Jonathan Harker in his Carpathian castle, the Count is introduced to us as an elderly European aristocrat.  One doomed voyage of the Demeter later, he re-emerges in Victorian England as a seductive killer.  Written against the backdrop of the fin-de-siecle, a period known for body horror, numerous diseases and a fear of invasion from the East, the figure of Dracula becomes an embodiment of these concerns: an alien, rapacious force which seeks to corrupt and transform from within.

4. Edward Hyde
(Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson)
The aggressive, bestial alter ego of Dr Henry Jekyll, Hyde thinks nothing of trampling children and generally wreaking havoc on an unsuspecting city.  This tale is a moral one, of course - much like Frankenstein's monster, Edward Hyde's persona was unlocked through Jekyll's well-meaning research into human nature.  What makes Mr Hyde so genuinely threatening is the novel's assertion that a version of him resides in each and every one of us.

3. Tom Ripley
(The Ripley novels by Patricia Highsmith)
As the protagonist and puppeteer of numerous twisted escapades, Tom Ripley is at heart a chameleon.  Ingenious when it comes to attaining his goals and literally getting away with murder, he is both terrifying in his ruthlessness and inspiring in his intelligence.

2. Alec D'Urberville
(Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy)
From the very first moment we meet Alec, we are yelling at Tess to get the hell away from him.  His arrogantly handsome face and obscenely red lips foreshadow a seduction - or, in this case, a rape.  Not only does Alec destroy poor Tess's virtue, but he also has the gall to reappear later in her life, a "changed man".  Already a pariah, Tess has no choice but to become Alec's companion.  It is the cruel fate doled out in Hardy's universe that the raped woman is executed for finally taking control of her own life - although I am sure every reader feels a grim satisfaction when Alec finally meets his end.

1. It's A Tie!
Amir & Briony
(The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini & Atonement by Ian McEwan)
These impressive and moving literary novels would have you believe that Amir and Briony are the protagonists of their respective stories, when in fact they are the catalyst for almost every bad thing that happens.  Amir is too much of a coward to come to the aid of his friend during their childhood, the after-effects of which are devestating.  Similarly, Briony's colourful imagination taints her perception when she sees the growing attraction between her sister Cecilia and Robbie, leading her to tell a destructive lie.  In their defense, Amir and Briony spend the rest of their lives trying to make up for their actions, but one can't help but get the feeling that all would have ended well if they'd just done the right thing to start with.  In an alternate fictional universe, I can see these two hitting it off.

Top 5: Stephen King and the "Final Girl"

In the same way that Joss Whedon's feminist beliefs compel him to imperil beautiful girls in order for them to fight their way to freedom, so Stephen King brings us tale after tale of ordinary women (and plenty of men) who find themselves in the most nightmarish of scenarios and must risk everything to survive.  This Top 5 post is dedicated to that classic horror trope, the "final girl" - the female who, through cunning or skill or sheer virtue, stands triumphant at the end of the tale.

Spoilers may lie ahead for readers not familiar with all of Stephen King's work - so, you know. Beware.

5. Lisey
LISEY'S STORY
There's a tiny clue in the title of this novel as to which character might last to the final page.  As everything in the book is from Lisey's perspective, one might suspect that there is no feeling of danger - but King still manages to make the reader fear for Lisey as she discovers the unreal world that her late husband spent much of his troubled life in.  More than any other King novel, Lisey's Story is about empowerment.  Having long been the supportive wife, Lisey is forced to walk into hell alone, and come out the other side.

4. Sue Snell
CARRIE
It would be easy enough to remember the ending of Carrie, which we all read a long time ago, as one where everybody ended up dead.  Not quite: Sue Snell, the popular girl who tried to do something nice for outcast Carrie White, survives to witness the destruction her own actions caused.  If she hadn't encouraged her boyfriend to take Carrie to the prom, then the unfortunate pig's blood incident would never have happened, and all those cruel teenagers who tormented her would still be alive.  Actually, come to think of it, it sounds like an unconventionally happy ending to me.

3. Wendy
THE SHINING
Motherly love never came stronger than it did in Wendy Torrance.  A large, uneasy portion of The Shining is spent watching her walk on eggshells around her recovering alcoholic husband, all the while being eaten up inside with fear and anger at what might happen to their son Danny if Jack falls off the wagon.  Stanley Kubrick's film adaptation did nothing to convey the lioness-defending-her-cub strength of character that Wendy embodies in the book - shattered bones and a head injury do not stop her dragging herself, inch by painful inch, to Danny's aid.

2. Rosie
ROSE MADDER
This story is one of numerous trials.  Rose Daniels suffers for years at the hands of a violent, abusive husband.  When she finally works up the courage to leave him, an even more terrifying journey begins, as she finds herself drawn into a dream-like painted world, where her fearsome doppelänger holds the key to vengeance.  Rose's survival is a triumph, but is shadowed by an epilogue which reveals (SPOILERS) she has inherited her former husband's bloody rages.


1. Jessie
GERALD'S GAME
Personally, I think the word "harrowing" is overused, especially when describing books.  But in this case I find it incredibly apt - I was as attached to Jessie's ordeal as she was to the bed.  When a simple sex game goes awry and Jessie is left naked and alone, it is not death that poses a threat.  It is the voices.  The madness.  And the misshapen face that keeps emerging from the shadows.  Gerald's Game is not a supernatural novel, making the unlikely peril Jessie faces feel all the more real.

5 Modern Novels That Deserve To Be Classics

For a heathen like me, reading a good book or coming across an immensely talented author is probably the closest thing I have to a religious experience.  It happens quite rarely, but when it does, it's the most peculiar feeling.  I want to tell, no, order everyone I know to immediately go out and buy the book I've just read, but another part of me wants to hold this treasure back, keep it all to myself.  I think it stems from my teenage crush on the Scissor Sisters, which faded as soon as they became immensely popular.  Nobody likes their own private joy to become mainstream.

On the other hand, there are some novels that I read and instantly find myself hoping that other people feel as thrilled by it as I do, that it will be the topic of discussion in book clubs and living rooms all over the world.  Because some books are just that good.  Here are five modern novels which I feel deserve widespread, long-lasting admiration.  I hope there's something on this list for everyone!

5. The Green Mile by Stephen King

Until this spiritual, heartbreaking serialised novel hit the shelves, the world had seen Stephen King as a horror author and not much else.  "Horror author", in this context, not particularly being a compliment.  Then he penned the tale of John Coffey, a gentle giant on death row with an extraordinary gift.  The film adaptation serves as a lesson in how to adapt a novel, as the story has incredible power in either medium.

4. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Eugenides's first novel, The Virgin Suicides, was a poignant and pensive fable of innocence lost.  His second book, Middlesex, massively ups the ante in ambition and scope, spanning several generations of an immigrant family, tracing a rogue gene through time and culminating in the birth of Calliope - protagonist, narrator, hermaphrodite.  This is no literary gimmick, however; Eugenides follows Cal's story believably and lovingly from being raised as a girl, through a shocking and transformative adolescence, all the way to adulthood, by which time Cal is living as a man.  Written with humour and intelligence, Middlesex makes me wish Jeffrey Eugenides would write more books.

3. The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

I've raved about this book before, so forgive me if this all sounds a little familiar, but months down the line the story has stayed with me.  A handsome but arrogant porn star and drug addict is involved in a car accident that leaves him drastically disfigured.  While recovering in the hospital, he is visited by a woman named Marianne, who is clearly deranged but also entirely bewitching.  She tells him that they've met before, even though he has no memory of this encounter.  What follows is an eight hundred year love story, a trip around the world and a journey to the very heart of Dante's Inferno.

2. A Density Of Souls by Christopher Rice

I've included Rice's second and third novels The Snow Garden and Light Before Day in previous lists, but his debut A Density of Souls is probably my favourite.  It is in turn a coming of age story, a revenge tragedy, a romance and a horror novel.  Four friends enter high school and are immediately pulled apart - by bullying, by their own selfish desires, by love disguised as hate and vice versa.  What happens to them as teenagers sends ripples throughout the rest of their lives.

1. Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
I first read this book when I was meant to be revising for a French exam.  Subsequently, each time I revisit it I get the same rush, as if I am doing something slightly naughty.  It is a feeling that goes well with this read.  The premise is a very, very loose parody of The Omen, but the duo of writers have taken a step back and seen the bigger picture.  The opening chapter introduces us to Aziraphale, an angel, and Crowley, a demon, who are seen conversing as Adam and Eve are booted out of the Garden of Eden.  Their friendly banter is a running motif in the novel, as is a book of prophecies by Agnes Nutter (the world's only reliable psychic) and the adventures of young Adam, a perfectly ordinary boy who just so happens to be the Antichrist.  Good Omens works as an intelligent, good-natured satire, but also as a not-too-serious meditation on human nature.

Some other books I wanted to include in this list are The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon - but I reckon they're going to go down as classics anyway.

5 Great Books Summarised In One Sentence

Don't worry, this is a spoiler-free zone!

5. Atonement by Ian McEwan
An epic, heartbreaking novel about how your life will fall apart if you use the "C" word.

4. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
Gripping story that will terrify the parents of university students everywhere.

3. A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby
Four people decide to kill themselves, then don't.

2. The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time by Mark Haddon
The most unconventional and rewarding murder mystery you will ever read.

1. Carrie by Stephen King
Beware teenage girls who have not had the birds and the bees conversation with their mothers.

Top 5... Short Stories

For me, short stories are a fine art - when done well, they are able to take the reader on a journey, without the luxury of a few hundred pages to set the scene and develop character.  Below are five of my favourites; the titles in brackets refer to the author anthologies in which they can be found.

5. The New Daughter by John Connolly (Nocturnes)
A single father and his two children move to a house on the edge of a vast field, home to a mysterious mound.  As time passes, the man begins to notice peculiarities in his daughter's behaviour.  She spends more and more time by the mound behind their house, and odd-looking straw dolls keep appearing, as if from the ground...  A chilling fairy tale that is made all the more effective by its brevity.

4. A Lamia in the Cevennes by A.S. Byatt (Elementals)
Magical realism at its best here, as a troubled Brit awakes one morning in his sun-drenched villa in the Cevennes to find a mysterious, serpentine woman living in his swimming pool.  Bizarre stuff, beguilingly written.

3. House of Flowers by Truman Capote (Breakfast at Tiffany's)
Surreal and beautifully imagined, Capote's writing has never been better than it has here.  House of Flowers follows the trials and tribulations of Ottilie, a beautiful young prostitute in the West Indies. 

2. The Problem of Susan by Neil Gaiman (Fragile Things)
Something that has long bothered fans of C.S. Lewis's The Chronicles of Narnia is the way in which Susan, the eldest Pevensie sister, is dismissed at the end of The Last Battle as too much of a grown-up to return to the magical land.  Gaiman's tale catches up with Susan years later in real life, by which time her memories of Narnia have become distorted symbols of her adolescent anguish and sexuality.  A wonderfully dark look back at a masterpiece of childrens' literature.

1. Don't Look Now by Daphne Du Maurier (Not After Midnight)
The story will be familiar to many fans of the film adaptation.  A grieving couple travel to Venice following the death of their child.  They are approached in their hotel by an elderly, scatty woman who claims that the spirit of their daughter is still with them.  Shortly after, the husband begins to see a small hooded figure running through the side streets and back alleys of the city.  Could their daughter have truly come back to them?  For newcomers to this tale, the climax will truly shock.  If you're familiar with the ending, then I recommend you try Ian McEwan's novella The Comfort of Strangers, in which another couple find themselves in trouble in Venice.

Top 5... Ghost Stories

The ghost story has been around since the invention of the campfire.  Since children have woken in the night and asked; "what was that noise?".  The best ghost stories chill you to the bone.  These five paranormal novels provide numerous spooky moments, but there's also plenty of meat on their bones when it comes to characters and plot.

5. Sleep, Pale Sister by Joanne Harris

Effie Gray, an artist's young wife, is drawn into the devious plans of a Tarot-reading brothel keeper in this chilling, lustrous Victorian thriller.  Set against the backdrop of the thriving Romantic art movement, Harris's novel spins a tale of deceit and possession that mystifies and grips at the same time.

4. The Witching Hour by Anne Rice

Michael is saved from drowning by Rowan, an ambitious surgeon.  As an after-effect of his near-death experience, Michael develops psychometric abilities - he can touch an object or a person and experience visions of the past and future.  Rowan soon finds that Michael's powers are connected to her own search for her biological family, after she was adopted as an infant.  Together they discover that Rowan is a child of the Mayfair family, a New Orleans dynasty that also happen to have supernatural powers - powers that have been inherited by Rowan.  This is a hefty read, and at times the narrative can drag (an entire section of the novel is devoted to the generations of Mayfair witches), but the end result is worth it.  This is the first book in a trilogy, by the end of which your head will be spinning with the intricacies of Mayfair geneology and the Machiavellian plottings of the spirit Lasher.

3. Beloved by Toni Morrison

Taking place in the aftermath of the abolition of slavery, Beloved follows Sethe, a mother and former slave who is haunted by the crimes she endured (and committed) in her past.  One day, a mysterious woman arrives at her house.  Much of the novel is spent trying to figure out exactly who she is: simply a stranger passing, or an avenger from the spirit world?  Read it and decide for yourself.

2. Bag Of Bones by Stephen King

Like many of King's novels, the protagonist in Bag of Bones is a New England-based writer.  When he loses his wife suddenly, he is paralysed by grief, and decides to go to their old lake house to mourn.  Once there, he becomes involved in a local power struggle, develops a fixation with the lake, and comes across numerous clues that his wife has not truly left him...

1. Beyond Black by Hilary Mantel

Hilary Mantel went on to win the Booker Prize with her historical epic Wolf Hall.  This novel, by comparison, is less ambitious - but still gives the reader much food for thought.  The central figure in Beyond Black is Alison, a psychic medium by trade who tours the South of England with her manager Colette and spirit guide Morris.  Colette is a hard-hearted harridan, and Morris is just this side of pure evil.  Alison, by contrast, is a large and jovial soul (I kept thinking of Dawn French in the role), or at least, that is what appearances would suggest.  As the reader follows Alison on her seemingly endless stage show around the suburban dystopia of middle England, it becomes evident that she is running from her past, as well as trying to find her place in the world.  Beyond Black effortlessly blends the ethereal with the domestic and is both depressing and hilarious, as the best British fiction tends to be, with something to say about human beings, not just their ghostly counterparts.

Top 5... Books With WTF? Endings

Have you ever enjoyed a novel, only to feel let down by a weak, poorly thought out, or simply insane ending?  As if the author gave up on making sense and decided to let his pot-smoking dog write the final chapter instead.  Some writers base an entire novel around an ending that doesn't make much sense - a prime example of which is Jeffrey Eugenides and The Virgin Suicides.  Below are five examples of how to do it properly: these books will leave you baffled, bemused and scratching your head, but ultimately grateful for the experience.  I've included no spoilers, so that you may go on to enjoy these mad, mad stories for yourself.

5. I'm Not Scared by Niccolò Ammaniti

This novel's opening premise is as bizarre as its ending - the central character, a young boy in 1940s Italy, discovers a hole in the ground which conceals a captive child.  Initially, I expected the story to play out like a fairy tale - is the boy a monster, or some kind of spirit?  Neither - the explanation is much more logical, although no less surprising.

4. The Snow Garden by Christopher Rice

The main characters in Rice's second novel all see their freshman year of college as a chance to reinvent themselves and shed the troubles of their former lives.  This means that, as a reader, you grow to empathise with people who are not what they seem.  The climactic scenes in this book are among the most bizarre, grotesque and well-written endings that I have ever read.

3. Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis

I'm pretty sure that you could include most novels from Bret Easton Ellis's oeuvre here, from the abrupt, mid-sentence ending of The Rules of Attraction to the peculiar revelations of American Psycho.  But Lunar Park is my personal choice for this list, simply as it is the most frustrating.  It seems to switch genre every couple of pages, transforming from a standard Bret Easton Ellis sex-and-drug-fuelled romp into a ghost story, a missing child drama, a horror tale, and ultimately, pure meta-fiction.  I'll admit to not very much liking this book for the entire time I was reading it - that is, until its poetic, redemptive final few pages.

2. The Accidental by Ali Smith

Amber, a most peculiar woman, arrives out of nowhere to disrupt a troubled family's holiday.  The husband assumes she is a friend of his wife, and the wife assumes the opposite.  The truth is, nobody knows who Amber is or where she came from.  She inserts herself into the daily lives of their children: young, curious Astrid and anxious teenager Magnus.  For a little while, you suspect this is going to be one of those stories where a magical stranger changes a family's lives for the better - but nothing could be further from the truth.  The final few chapters of The Accidental confound the reader so much that it is impossible to resist the urge to go back and read from the beginning, in the hopes that you missed some kind of clue that will give this book some kind of meaning.

1. Thirteen by Sebastian Beaumont

If you're a fan of the films of David Lynch, I cannot recommend this book highly enough.  The central character is a taxi driver who has spent so long working the night shift that he feels disconnected to real life.  Into his fractious world walks Valerie, a terminally ill woman who lives at 13 Wish Road.  As the driver's hold on reality begins to crumble, he discovers that there is no Number 13 Wish Road - the street ends at 12.  Soon, he is meeting more people like Valerie - individuals that seem to know him, even though he has never met them before.  Thus begins a surreal, riveting journey into madness.